Moving Through It
Thus far, these processes of ‘moving through’ have helped me navigate the gruelling necessity of letting go and healing from trauma:
People often talk about moving forward but neglect to mention the throughway. There’s rarely any deep discussions about the process of moving through our old beliefs and energy. We are told to ‘release’, ‘move on’ and ‘grow’ with the assumption that these actions are self explanatory and easy to accomplish. When in all reality, they are some of the hardest undertakings in our lifetime.
I’m guilty of this motivational love bombing too! As much as I want to guide others, I’m still learning and becoming; innerstanding more and more what my purpose is and how to cultivate a community rooted in truth and forgiveness. So, I take full accountability for using these spiritual buzz words as peace-bearing pacifiers that feign wisdom. And I am working tirelessly to clarify my intentions and speak/act from the heart. In 2022, my focus is on moving through old habits of insecurity, self-righteousness and distrust.
Self Awareness
Much of our awareness is external. Where we live/work and what we like. But the idea of who we are implores us to look inward. It’s a profound question that kicks off our internal awareness to self discovery + healing. Self awareness is a multi faceted mechanism that engages our past, present and future selves simultaneously. Once you’ve processed your past and made plans for your future, it takes time to know what specific actions/words trigger you and which self-soothing practices work best to ground you in the present moment. Implementing these practices takes a lot of, well… practice. I’ve come to find that self-awareness is an essential prerequisite for beginning the art of unlearning.
Unlearning
Actively rewiring your mind to not reenact or react to toxic triggers, behaviours or oppressive systems is truly a tough practice. There’s no one way to do it and it may take several months or years to see any progress. But the more we identify our core values and refine our self-soothing methods, the easier this process becomes. This is what many call ‘shadow work’, taking the time to look at yourself deeply and transparently to reveal your own toxic habits and involvement in reenacting your past traumas.
Resurfacing
It’s hard to spot and excruciating to even admit, but reenactment is the side-effect of being stuck in a toxic cycle. When we don’t use intentionality or discernment to operate for our highest good we are bound to get stuck in a cycle until we learn the lesson and never look back. Resurfacing of trauma, pain and toxic habits are quite common in the healing journey. Some of us trick ourselves into thinking that unlearning one thing and saying an affirmation everyday has solved our problems. Until the demons come knocking on our door at 3AM reminding us that we aren’t over it! And the truth is YOU ARE NOT, it still lives in your body and the fact that it’s resurfacing again is the perfect opportunity to feel through it (cry, scream, run etc..) and let it go. Patience love one, remember that the body keeps the score, so expect some nasty things to come up during this purge of the soul.
Forgiveness
Sounds simple enough, but it’s a difficult thing to do everyday, and I truly believe that’s what it takes to let it sink in. Forgive yourself for not knowing better, forgive yourself for reacting negatively, forgive yourself for any and everything. Because this practice can relieve so much tension, pain and false believes you’ve held against yourself. Gratitude lists and mantras are great and all, but I think its also important to make a forgiveness list along with it. Forgive yourself, forgive your father, forgive your mother, forgive that bully or that one teacher that put you on the spot and made you feel like stupid, forgive forgive forgive. And remember, forgiveness does not require reconnection.
Gratitude
The most popular practice of the decade! Gratitude is the quickest way to vibrating higher. It has helped me so much with overcoming tantrums, bad moods and negative thoughts. But if I’m being honest, it doesn’t actually help transmute any old energy, it just shifts my vibration in the moment and invites love back into my heart. All great things of course, but I urge you to use it as a grounding/self-soothing practice instead of a method for release or emotional growth.
Acceptance
Being grateful for where you are and what you have is not the same as accepting it (read that twice). The fact that you are on this healing journey is a testament to your intolerance of your current circumstances. The key to getting results with acceptance is to accept the things you cannot change. Again, be grateful for where you are at in this moment, but remember that the things you can and want to change must not be accepted. I’ve dwelled in complacency thinking I could learn to accept what is not meant for me, and its only caused stagnancy and regret.
Grief
I know what you’re thinking.. who died? YOU did and it’s important to mourn your past self, grieve for your ego and lay to rest your feelings of brokenness, unworthiness, shame, guilt and failure. This usually follows forgiveness, but can come up during the self awareness and acceptance phase too. It’s hard to leave a life behind that you’ve grown so comfortable with. Divorcing an old version of you is extremely hard, especially when those around you have loved, affirmed and grown comfortable with it too. I’ve personally been gaslit into thinking I was better off as my old self, probably because I was more insecure, lost and unthreatening to those who wished to control/manipulate me. Only you know what’s best for you and who you want to become.
Faith
This may come naturally to some (especially if you’re religious), but others (like myself) have a hard time not being in control of their destiny. Having faith is synonymous with surrendering. It often follows the mastery of self-awareness, forgiveness and acceptance. Which is why it usually comes last in the healing journey. Being grounded enough to innerstand that you’ll never miss anything that isn’t meant for you and walking by faith and not by sight, will change the way you see the world.
To clarify, I don’t believe there is only one set path to healing. And I’m sure those of us on this journey have experienced these things at varying times, intensities and sequences. My intention here is to share what I’ve learnt and undergone thus far, and document it so that others may bear witness to the intricate processes of healing trauma, what to expect on the journey and how to move through it with grace. I look forward to returning to these writings to remind myself weekly, monthly, yearly or however long it takes me to feel a sense of healing. And I’m also excited to share more mental musings from my journey to hopefully enlighten and inspire those who are on similar paths.
